Conventional wisdom (and research) says that good communication can improve relationships, increasing intimacy, trust and support. The converse is also true: poor communication can weaken bonds, creating mistrust and even contempt! Here are some examples of negative and even destructive attitudes and communication patterns that can exacerbate conflict in a relationship. How many of these sound like something you’d do?

1. Avoiding Conflict Altogether:
Rather than discussing building frustrations in a calm, respectful manner, some people just don’t say anything to their partner until they’re ready to explode, and then blurt it out in an angry, hurtful way. This seems to be the less stressful route—avoiding an argument altogether—but usually causes more stress to both parties, as tensions rise, resentments fester, and a much bigger argument eventually results. It’s much healthier to address and resolve conflict.

2. Being Defensive:
Rather than addressing a partner’s complaints with an objective eye and willingness to understand the other person’s point of view, defensive people steadfastly deny any wrongdoing and work hard to avoid looking at the possibility that they could be contributing to a problem. Denying responsibility may seem to alleviate stress in the short run, but creates long-term problems when partners don’t feel listened to and unresolved conflicts and continue to grow.

3. Overgeneralizing:
When something happens that they don’t like, some blow it out of proportion by making sweeping generalizations. Avoid starting sentences with, “You always…” and “You never…”, as in, “You always come home late!” or “You never do what I want to do!” Stop and think about whether or not this is really true. Also, don’t bring up past conflicts to throw the discussion off-topic and stir up more negativity. This stands in the way of true conflict resolution, and increases the level of conflict.

4. Being Right:
It’s damaging to decide that there’s a ‘right’ way to look at things and a ‘wrong’ way to look at things, and that your way of seeing things is right. Don’t demand that your partner see things the same way, and don’t take it as a personal attack if they have a different opinion. Look for a compromise or agreeing to disagree, and remember that there’s not always a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’, and that two points of view can both be valid.
5. “Psychoanalyzing” / Mind-Reading:
Instead of asking about their partner’s thoughts and feelings, people sometimes decide that they ‘know’ what their partners are thinking and feeling based only on faulty interpretations of their actions—and always assume it’s negative! (For example, deciding a late mate doesn’t care enough to be on time, or that a tired partner is denying sex out of passive-aggressiveness.) This creates hostility and misunderstandings.

6. Forgetting to Listen:
Some people interrupt, roll their eyes, and rehearse what they’re going to say next instead of truly listening and attempting to understand their partner. This keeps you from seeing their point of view, and keeps your partner from wanting to see yours! Don’t underestimate the importance of really listening and empathizing with the other person!

7. Playing the Blame Game:
Some people handle conflict by criticizing and blaming the other person for the situation. They see admitting any weakness on their own part as a weakening of their credibility, and avoid it at all costs, and even try to shame them for being ‘at fault’. Instead, try to view conflict as an opportunity to analyze the situation objectively, assess the needs of both parties and come up with a solution that helps you both.

8. Trying to ‘Win’ The Argument:
I love it when Dr. Phil says that if people are focused on ‘winning’ the argument, “the relationship loses”! The point of a relationship discussion should be mutual understanding and coming to an agreement or resolution that respects everyone’s needs. If you’re making a case for how wrong the other person is, discounting their feelings, and staying stuck in your point of view, your focused in the wrong direction!

9. Making Character Attacks:
Sometimes people take any negative action from a partner and blow it up into a personality flaw. (For example, if a husband leaves his socks lying around, looking it as a character flaw and label him ‘inconsiderate and lazy’, or, if a woman wants to discuss a problem with the relationship, labeling her ‘needy’, ‘controlling’ or ‘too demanding’.) This creates negative perceptions on both sides. Remember to respect the person, even if you don’t like the behavior.

10. Stonewalling:
When one partner wants to discuss troubling issues in the relationship, sometimes people defensively stonewall, or refuse to talk or listen to their partner. This shows disrespect and, in certain situations, even contempt, while at the same time letting the underlying conflict grow. Stonewalling solves nothing, but creates hard feelings and damages relationships. It’s much better to listen and discuss things in a respectful manner.

This is the advice that I had given to her.
Decide what type of man you are looking for! Decide what his individual character should be like. An extroverted type, outgoing, social, great sense of humor? Or, a more introverted type, who is reserved and appreciates beauty and quiet things… perhaps a little shy. Do you like the boy next door type, a tall dark handsome type, the country boy, the adventurous type, and the list goes on. Close your eyes a moment and imagine Mr. Right. What do you see? Never expect perfection! It just isn’t there. Find Mr. Right and accept him as is. Once one reaches adulthood, one rarely changes their ways. Look for similar culture, religion, background and interest. Let your mind wander a few years down the road…10 years… 20 years. Where do you want to be then?
Prepare yourself for Mr. Right, as well, and be ready when he comes along. Finding Mr. Right won’t change YOU. Improve on your character flaws, your health, your image. Are you a good cook?…A good housekeeper? Keep striving until you are totally pleased with yourself. Prepare yourself for a good job. Then, GET ONE. Work and accumulate money. Learn to budget and manage finances. Nothing will interest Mr. Right more than a woman who can help “Bring home the bacon.” Trust me, money is a major attraction to any man considering a Long-term relationship. Be healthy, appealing, and charismatic, and act like a women with a purpose. You must be physically attractive. Every women has something going for her. Improve your best characteristics. “Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative!” Learn to economize. When you do your makeover, do it on a “shoestring” budget, but at least do it! The more turned out you are the better your chances.

Did you know that people who try to spice up their
lovemaking, often make their experiences LESS
fulfilling? It’s true.

Over the years, I’ve seen couples make the same
mistakes over and over again, when trying to
improve their love lives, and I’d like to teach you
how to overcome and avoid these problems.

Here are the 7 lovemaking mistakes. Are you making
them?

MISTAKE #1: Feeling scared or embarrassed to talk
about trying new things

Have you ever had an idea to spice up your
lovemaking but were afraid of what your partner may
think?

Believe it or not, in 90% of cases, your partner
would LOVE to try something new, too, but they’re
just as uncomfortable or embarrassed about bringing
it up as you are.

And you don’t need to introduce whips, chains or a
third person. That’s nonsense! There are hundreds
of ways to bring variety to your passionate play
that aren’t crude or dangerous and that your
partner is sure to be comfortable with.

MISTAKE #2: Trying to convince the partner to make
love

If your lover is tired or not in the mood for sex,
trying to convince or persuade them to have sex
almost NEVER works.

On the other hand, when a person is sexually
aroused, their body releases the chemical
‘adrenaline’ into the bloodstream. This chemical is
what gives you the energy to make love. So here’s
how to arouse them the right way. Yes, even if
they’re tired.

Ladies: Want to get him in the mood? Give him
fellatio or manually stroke him between 9 ­ 10 in
the morning. This is when his testosterone levels
are highest for the day. For better results, also
wear something sexy or nothing at all. He’ll like
that.

Lads: Deep passionate kisses are one of the biggest
‘turn-ons’ for women. Looking in her eyes and
touching her face while kissing her can really
increase arousal, too. And give some attention to
her neck­­it will drive her wild. But don’t rush
this! Spend quality time building up her arousal
with your sensual kisses.

MISTAKE #3: Neglecting foreplay to enjoy
intercourse sooner

People in a relationship (especially men) tend to
neglect foreplay so they can begin to enjoy
intercourse sooner, but did you know that foreplay
is actually said to intensify orgasms?

That’s right. If you kiss, caress and touch longer,
you can make your lovemaking even more satisfying.

So SLOW DOWN. Take your time. If you want to make
it even better, tease your partner in a playful
way. (This works like crazy.)

If you find something that they really enjoy, stop
doing it, move back, and then do it again later.
The more you pull back and push forward, the more
they’ll want it. And the more intense their
experience will be. There are many games you can
play to heighten this anticipation, too.

MISTAKE #4: Using toys or porn to make your
lovemaking better

When sex hits a rough patch, many couples (men
especially) think that a video, some plastic or
vibrating thingy will instantly takes things
through the roof.

Wrong!… While toys can certainly have their place
in your lovemaking repertoire, relying on them can
be extremely dangerous. These outside sources of
pleasure can quickly make lovemaking even less
fulfilling.

Why? Because you don’t want your partner to end up
looking forward to their plastic toy for pleasure
more than they look forward to pleasure with you,
do you? Couples need to first fully discover how to
please all their spouses’ body parts before
introducing other elements. Use them as a spice,
not the main course.

MISTAKE #5: Trying to make the woman orgasm ONLY
from intercourse

Men often feel “unmanly” if they can’t satisfy
their woman from intercourse. But what they need to
understand is that a large number of women can’t
achieve orgasm through normal lovemaking.

Just knowing this takes the pressure off men
completely. Now there’s no need to get upset when
their women don’t reach orgasm. Instead, men should
master the art of cunnilingus (going down on a
woman).

MISTAKE #6: Trying to “finish” at the same time

Simultaneous orgasms are quite overrated. Instead
of aiming for one orgasm that you share together,
focus completely on the woman’s needs first.

Hold off from the positions you find most enjoyable
and instead make love in ways that are most
pleasurable for your lady, until she is completely
satisfied. That way you have a much greater chance
of both climaxing.

MISTAKE #7: Sticking to a “set routine” too often

You know the drill. You take your clothes off,
insert part A into part B, and, within a few
minutes, the routine is over. Sound familiar?

No matter how fantastic lovemaking can be, there’s
no denying it can get boring over the years. And
the reason is because lovemaking in its basic act
is always the same. But the danger is letting it
get “too routine,” which can begin to affect your
relationship.

The BEST WAY to protect your love life and precious
connection with your partner is to have lots of new
lovemaking ideas ready at your disposal.

That’s the secret.

In fact, when you have an abundance of NEW tips and
techniques ready, you’ll enjoy more hot, steamy and
passionate lovemaking, discover newfound enthusiasm
to make love and even make love more often.

About the Author:

Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500
Lovemaking Tips, a book full of ways to spice up
your lovemaking, adding more passion, pleasure and
intimacy to your experience. To read more, visit:

One of the most important tips is to never EVER bad mouth about her to her friends, your friends, or online. Of course, you might have a private friend, who you can let off some steam with, but don’t go on facebook and write about how your ex is a ho. If you get back togeather, this will leave a hole, that she will never be able to forget and you will always regret. If you bad mouth her around town, she will find out and you will lose her respect. It’s one thing to have her mad at you but another thing all togeather to lose her respect by your loss of integrity.
If you do see her for a brief encounter, do not continue to harp on her about all her bad points. You can bring these things up again later, when you have started to rebuild some trust. Remain calm, and in control of yourself, so she can begin to see your good side again, not remind her of all the reasons she doesn’t like you anymore.
Another way to get your ex girlfriend back to you is to be ready to help her if she needs something. Do not burn your bridge totally behind you just because you are angry and hurt at the moment. I’m not talking about being a doormat. This increases the respect level she has for you and you start to become the valiant hero again. Work smart, and put your jerk side away temporarily for now. Don’t reject her when she comes for help. Make her feel safe and that it is o.k. that she misses you but do not rub it in. Just let her know gently that you miss her also and it is a very natural human emotion. Don’t push it and try to get her back all at once. Just leave her with a brief, but positive encounter. This is a strong and firm step in winning your girl friend back.

When you are taking steps to win your ex girlfriend back you must check your own actions and see if you are being honest in winning her love back. You also need to decide if you are really in love with your girlfriend or just afraid of being single again. If the latter is the case, then it would be better for your own self-esteem to work on yourself for now, and perhaps she will come around again at a later time.

During the making up process, take great pains to not hurt her feelings in any way. If you start to treat her with respect and are charming and sensitive, a women will put this in her book and file it, for the next time you have a fight and she is trying to decide what to do. It will help to have some history of you being and adult and making it easy to get back together.

Just Broke up? Want Your Ex girlfriend Back? Get the complete strategy and plan to get your ex girlfriend back here.

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In today’s world there should be no shortage of date ideas, however there is almost too many. With the possibilities seemingly endless, it can be overwhelming coming up with good ideas. Adding to the problem is the fact that maybe you don’t know the person too well and you don’t want to feel rejected.

These are not the only problems you can run into when looking for good ideas for dates. Location is usually a major problem for those looking for the excitement of a bigger city when stuck in a smaller town. The reverse is also true; some in bigger cities are looking for the quaint, quiet of smaller towns. The problems don’t stop there though. Anything from budget to personal taste can, and sometimes does, interfere with date ideas. Appearances are usually the common culprit however, and can cause all sorts of stress for people who don’t want to appear what they aren’t. I know that I worried over dating ideas and not wanting to give the wrong impressions.

Wanting to set a mood is another reason for trouble with dating ideas. You don’t want to go to a sports game if you are trying to set a romantic mood. Also you don’t want wine and candlelight if you are looking for a simple, carefree attitude for the evening. You also don’t want to rush into the romantic moods (or heavily romantic) if you are still in the getting-to-know-each-other stage of the relationship. You also don’t want to rush into those romantic evenings until you are sure that you want more from the relationship.

Usually the other person is just appreciative that you tried to think of something creative. No one ever goes on picnics anymore. However, this is a frugal and creative idea, that shows the person that you put some thought into it, and are also a good financial manager. A bit of wine would help to help both partners relax a bit. Near a river or stream would be even better. If you ask the person what their hobbies or interest are on the phone beforehand, you could surprise them, with taking them somewhere that they have never been before that has to do with their hobby.

Another little bump you could run into is getting the date right to set the mood for other things you might want to do later. Do you want to start to set the tone for romance? Or are you looking for a friend first before becoming lovers? Do you want to show the other person your athletic side? If you are really looking for someone who is athletic, than it’s best to get it out in the open. If the person complains about all the bugs outside, then you will know that this is not someone who shares your interest in the great outdoors.

Be yourself. No one really likes it, if you say “whatever you want to do”. That will drive people away faster than anything. Don’t be so scared to show someone who you really are. If you’re into science, maybe taking them to the science museum, and teaching them about a subject they know nothing about, would be a great way to charm them. Dates that involve both of you learning something new or participating in an activity togeather are better than movie dates where you don’t get to converse. How about a trip to a farm where you can pick strawberries together?

Almost everyone enjoys sex, and getting a guide to great sex can make it even more enjoyable. So if you’re one of those people who do enjoy sex, but are looking to get a little more out of it or add a little more to it, then this guide could be just the thing you need.

With the guide you could add all sorts of things to your arsenal, such as different physical touches that are proven to turn the heat up. There really isn’t a limit to how much you can use and add, other than the limits you set for yourself. Don’t be bashful about it, everyone has limits and it’s important to know yours. Stretching those limits a bit though can be a lot of fun and lead to some really dreamy bouts of sex. The kind of sex that leaves you sweaty, panting, and wanting to curl up like a contented cat. The kind that makes you want to do it all over again just as soon as you gather enough energy and air to do so. Now we all know that just about anyone who has sex wants to have that kind of sex.

It doesn’t matter if it’s the how, sweaty, lusty sex, or the soft, dreamy kind. If it leaves you wanting to repeat it, and your partner is just as satisfied then that’s what you want. Finding out just how you can go about making that kind of sex a reality is possible with the guide to great sex. Even if you are having good sex right now, you might still want to get this guide. It’s possible that this guide could just add that extra spark to the fire.

We all know how it is with fires. If you don’t tend them and see to it that the flames are well fed and banked; then the fire goes out. Adding this guide to your arsenal for sex might just help you keep that flame going strong. This guide isn’t some magic card that will save your relationship, but it might be able to help you save or improve it on at least one level.

Making love is something almost everyone enjoys and getting a few pointers could add that little bit of heat or spice to your relationship. Sex is wonderful and it can be a lot of fun, but making love can add some different flavors to your sexual interactions.

Having a fulfilling sex-life is what everyone who has sex wants. There are many different ways of accomplishing this from different partners or scenarios to the use of different toys. Sometimes adding a little bit more heat to the fire is as easy as some creative ideas. It could be something as simple as picking a different spot to make love or suggesting some different positions to make love in. Love making ideas don’t have to be difficult or overly entailed to make a difference. Try to change it up a bit from week to week.

Of course you may find some lovemaking ideas that would seem a bit extreme. For instance, using a blindfold or the use of bindings to add a little bit to your love play. These may seem extreme to some people. The trick is finding some that appeal to you and then talking it over with your partner as well to see if they are something that sparks them too. You would be surprised what your partner has to say. Many people don’t bring it up if they think they will be rejected. Don’t be afraid to start out simple. Sometimes the simple things can really work, but if you find something that really turns you on you should mention it. Yes, mention it even if it’s something that seems a little extreme. It might be that your partner just has to get use to the idea of it, or it could be something that you work towards together. If it really turns you on and the thought of it arouses you, see if you partner might also be interested. Maybe you don’t need to go full out, but a little bit of spanking or something different would lead you to more creative things.

As I said before, there are many different levels of love making ideas that could work. You need to take the time to think them through to find the ones that would make the most impact in your relationship. Being honest with yourself, and your partner, is another must. If you don’t really like the idea of something, and choose to go along with it because they suggested it; chances are neither of you will enjoy the experience.

There are certain things to keep in mind when making love to a man. The first is to make sure you take it slow. Keep the stimulus to a minimum or keep it to short spurts. In other words, don’t spend all your time stroking him or you will end the sex before you even get a chance to get it going. The second is to be aware that men vary on the things that they like so it’s imperative that you take the time to find out what turns your man on. Don’t be going for kinky sex if it’s something your man thinks is disgusting.   That’s not going to get you where you want the night to go.

It’s a sad fact that most people don’t really think of making love to a man. Having a man make love to you is something most women get all mushy over, but we don’t really think about turning the tables. Men may not be as emotionally involved in the sexual play as much as women are. That doesn’t mean that they don’t have there moments where they want that little bit of extra though.

The best thing that I have found that helps when I want to make love to my man is to think about how I like him to make love to me. If I like the slow, tender caresses then that’s what I give back to him. Now this theory will only take you so far. If you love having them nibble on your ear, but when you do it to your man it makes his skin crawl it’s time for observation.

Make note of the things your man likes. Does he sigh when you run your nails slightly over his chest? Does he growl when you kiss, nip, and lick his throat? Does he arch into your touch when you tweak his nipples? These are all things that you will need to know. Take the time to find out what really turns him.

When dating, overall people do better when they take things slow. Many women jump

in too fast and then regret it later. You are hoping to make things last, so keep some of the suspense going and don’t give all of yourself at one time. Men need mystery, and if you tell him all your secrets on the first date, there is not much left to capture his attention for the long haul.

In Case of Relationship Emergency – Don’t Call 911

by T Dub Jackson, author of < <The Magic Of Making Up System>>
You smell the smoke, hear the crackle of a flame and
start to swoon from the searing heat.

< <HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK VIDEO

T Dub Jackson
MagicOfMakingUp.com
how to get MY ex back????